No Hiltons for us, Please!

Although many people, perhaps yourself included, profess a love of travel. What is travel? Is travel defined as going to a location that is foreign? Or going to a location where you, yourself are foreign? Which is more memorable? Which is more fun? Which is likely to transform your life forever?

There are incredible aspects of traveling, and the joy for me on this trip is just as much the journey as the destination. I thrive on the challenges and the newness, which isn’t to say that travel is always comfortable. In fact, it is oftentimes uncomfortable, especially the way that we travel.

No Hiltons for us please! But please, can I at least get a local map of the public toilets?

We usually try to experience a culture and a community as ordinary people do (though this is obviously impossible, as we arrive with such privilege, and wealth that is evident in our ability to be traveling at all). This means taking the regular buses, and eating the normal street-thali, and finding a basic hotel upon our arrival in a new place. And we always negotiate the price, or at least ask for a discount (N is much better at this than I am). We choose to wander the neighborhoods, rather than taking rickshaws or taxis; most Indians are absolutely alarmed by our actions: the wealthy and fair-skinned do not walk. But we enjoy getting lost, and the sense of victory and accomplishment we feel when we find our way home again.

Our kind of travel is not for everyone, that is certain. But it suits us.

As we tell our kind couch surfing hosts, “of course we have the money and the privilege and the wherewithal to stay in nice, comfortable places with great ease. But that is boooring and just too easy.” We choose to stay with couch surfing hosts not because it is cheaper, but because it gives us the opportunity to learn more, exchange more, and have a richer experience. Challenges deepen the experience, especially when the final outcome is accompanied by personal self-satisfaction.

However, there are certainly parts of this journey that are not comfortable, that are disconcerting, that generate anxiety. Acclimation to new foods and climates can be difficult, and sometimes downright painful. Uncertainty related to customs and attire and etiquette leads to embarrassment and feeling foolish. Being different in color and shape can be uncomfortable: I receive all types of smiles, stares, and glares. The truth is that it’s hard not to internalize these interactions, especially when my intent is to be an ambassador, and a representative of my gender, my culture, and my nationality.

Travel can be frightening. But very rarely can this fear be attributed to sleazy hotels, terrorists, or a flying phobia. The deeper fear lies in discomfort associated with opening the mind and heart to new experiences and sights and sounds and smells and tastes and people and communities. The newness and the differences can be disconcerting. It is the fear of not belonging, or being “out of your element,” of being foreign yourself. It’s scary to learn new things; it’s uncomfortable to make mistakes and to not know the answers; it’s alarming to be faced with things that force you to question your life, your actions, your intent, and even your existence. It’s disconcerting to be faced with your own inherent privilege, and to recognize the elitism and superiority that perhaps you don’t think you have, but which is part of the culture you are from. And these feelings don’t necessarily feel good or comfortable, but they make you think, they make you feel. They give you a greater awareness.

But the benefits of travel far, far outweigh the fears and the uncertainties. What a gift to have the opportunity to question your beliefs and your static concepts of ordinary, normal, and expected! I am lucky to have an amazing travel (among many other things) partner in Nathan. I can’t imagine traveling through India as a single woman; along with the discomfort, I know that I would miss out on many things. But I applaud any woman who has the courage and strength to do so, especially in this male-centric country.

I watched a silly tattoo show on television last night (the few in English are welcomed, though the content is oftentimes questionable). A woman was getting a frog permanently etched onto her left calf. Above the frog was a banner, on which read the words “Fear is Just a Feeling.” Just like sadness or guilt or happiness, fear is simply a sensation; it’s the action and intent that transforms these feelings into something deeper.

We have a few different mottos/mantras that we use as we travel:
1. When the path appears to end and the directional signs cease, this is when your adventure begins; keep going.

2. If faced with a choice between luck and skill, choose luck every time.

3. “What Would (insert name) Do/Say?” We think of our friends and mentors and teachers throughout our journey, and think about what their advice or response might be. Some favorite people used in this quote include Diana Dunn, Rajib Roy, Guruji, and Clem.

There are new and great tools to be a virtual traveler and to assist those who travel along with us. Become our friend on facebook.com, see our photos from the trip on our photo site (to be updated with photos from India when we someday achieve a real internet connection), or join couchsurfing.org to meet new friends and gain new experiences and perspective.

Best of all, we know you are reading our blog. Keep reading, share, respond.